the only thing dumber than politics, is Asian politics

Most confusing moment when traveling through a Chinese airport (PVG). I’m am held aside and asked a question in terrible English that I cannot understand.

I am patted down several times as I try to figure out what is being asked.

It’s futile.

They show me a picture.

It’s umbrella.

Do you see an umbrella, dumbasses?

Where would I hide an umbrella?

You patted my down 5 times. Did you find an umbrella? Why are you so worried about umbrellas? Is it illegal to shield one’s self from the rain in China?

The automotons stood about retaining me. At least a dozen of them. I realize Asians are generally shorter than Whitey, but these were exceptionally short Asians. They seemed to be almost afraid of me. They would recoil from every movement…

Finally someone with a brain came along and took me back to the line, explaining that I obviously do my have an umbrella.

I wonder what would have happened to me if I did… Oh no! Not an umbrella!

Ok, I’m joking. I know exactly why umbrellas aren’t allowed on airplanes. But, duh, do you see an umbrella motherfuckers?

It only sets to irony the large pocket knife no one, ever, in any airport, has ever touched… I have carried it on every airplane I’ve been on since 2015. By accident, because it was stashed in a hidden pocket in my backpack I had completely forgotten about. Muh x-ray machines, yo! That’s at the very least, 200 x-ray scanners in 5 years, in a half dozen different countries.

Don’t you feel safe now?

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